Foundation of Marriage
- Rita Larson
- Apr 17, 2023
- 5 min read
The stability of marriage is based upon its foundation. The very first thing you must do when you build any kind of foundation, is digging it out and making sure it is level. You must have stability in order for a foundation to remain solid. There are essential building blocks that must be present in order for a marriage to be successful and solid.
The very first layer and where the foundation is level set is upon love. The Word of God is clear that “God is love”. John 3:16 reminds us that “God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.” To be born again, we have to make that choice. We must choose Jesus. The same goes with relationships, we must make a choice and allow the expressions and emotions that come with love to exist. Marriage is a big commitment and a choice that we make. Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands they are to love their wife. Likewise, in Titus 2:4 women are told to love their husbands. Love is the firm foundation, the cement, that holds a marriage together over time. Out of love comes respect for your spouse and honor for the position they hold in your life.
The second layer is sacrifice. Just as God sacrificed his only begotten Son in John 3:16, we must be willing to sacrifice our own desires to give way to the desires of our spouse. When differences of opinion arise, there must be a willingness to sacrifice and make compromises. Marriage requires us to accept our spouse as they are. It is not up to us to change our spouse. If we try to change our spouse, it will only lead to frustration. There may be things that arise, where a change of heart is needed. That change is between your spouse and God. We can pray for our spouse, but only God can change their heart. Without sacrifice and acceptance of our spouse, the foundation will begin to crumble.
Next is trust and being able to place your total confidence into your spouse. There is an expectation of honesty and if trust is violated, the foundation will become shaky and depending on the severity, very difficult to rebuild. If there is an issue with trust, jealousy will quickly rear its ugly head. Trust is necessary to build any foundation. As two people work together, they must be able to trust that each person is making sure the foundation is intact and strong. Another element of building trust is being trustworthy. Part of being trustworthy is being forthcoming when we mess up, owning own our mistakes and asking for forgiveness. Covering up mistakes only further impairs the ability to trust one another.
Being able to depend on one another is another key component. A husband and a wife will assume different roles in a marriage and need to be able to depend on one another to fulfill their role. With becoming dependent on our spouse for fulfilling their role, we gain the oneness that marriage entails. The moment someone becomes independent and does not need the other spouse, the foundation will begin to weaken. There is strength in numbers!
Next, another essential element is forgiveness. We need to take ownership when we do something wrong. We need to recognize our own wrongdoing, no matter how large or small it is. It just takes three simple words “I am sorry”. For some, pride gets in the way, and it is difficult to say. We need to swallow our pride and put our partner first. Then after apologizing, always follow it up asking for forgiveness. When there has been wrongdoing, there is always going to have to be some rebuilding of our foundation. Humble yourself, get rid of any pridefulness, get on your hands and knees and begin to rebuild, one block at a time prayerfully working side by side with our Cornerstone, Jesus Christ. Through Him all things are possible!
Ephesians 3:32, “And be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” This means putting aside selfish tendencies. Kindness is a warm embrace, an encouraging word, or a complement when your spouse least expects it. Kindness is approaching your spouse with a servant’s heart, doing the little things that make a difference. It is being that helpmate when your spouse is not feeling their best, or showing appreciation when your spouse is going above and beyond to make a difference for you. The statement, “a little kindness goes along way” is so very true!
Lastly, laughter and humor hold the key to a special door. Proverbs 15:13 reminds us that “a merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance; but by sorrow heart the spirit is broken”. My oldest son used to always make me laugh when he got into trouble because he knew that it would help eliminate tension. There is something about humor that changes things. Laughter releases tension and frees the elephant in the room. Humor lightens the air, providing it does not involve ridiculing or belittling the other person. My husband and I laugh together a lot, and at some of the silliest things. We have fun together and enjoy each other’s company. There is no one on earth I would rather spend time with. At the same time, if either of us ever said something that was belittling or hurtful, we would be devastated and would shake our foundation.
In conclusion, it is so important to stay focused on the foundation of your marriage. Make it a practice to work to keep it strong. It will take some work at times but it is worth the effort. If it begins to weaken, reach out to the Father to help sure it back up. Building a foundation comes with a manual, God’s instruction booklet for life! You have to place God first. When He is first, you will have a foundation that is built on love. Love is what makes it possible to be willing to make sacrifices for our spouse. Through love, we understand that we need to have trust and be able to depend on one another. It is out of love that we forgive or ask forgiveness when it is necessary. Love is what calls us to walk in kindness and to love and serve our spouse. Lastly, love is where we can find peace and be able to laugh and have fun, enjoying our spouse. God first, and the rest will fall into place! You will have a firm foundation! ! ©Rita Larson 4/11/2023
Song of the Day (Brian Larson, this one is for you!! I love you!):
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