"Stop Talking and Listen"
- Rita Larson
- Apr 29, 2023
- 3 min read
Updated: Aug 9, 2023
If you have been around my husband and me for very long, you will quickly see how much value we place on one another. It is of the utmost importance to each one of us that we continue to grow stronger together in the Lord and in our marriage. I have shared recently that God is opening doors for us. We are starting down the road of a new business in our home and, as you can imagine, while it is exciting, it is also stressful. This morning, we were sitting at the table having a discussion and while neither of us was upset, we were getting a little frustrated and took a moment to pause. We both realized that we were not communicating well. To clarify, we were not arguing but we were not speaking in a manner that was clear, nor were listening, really listening. Recognizing that when things are stressful, it can open the door for the enemy to cause distraction and disruption, we took a moment to pray. As we went on about the day, I began to really think about the importance of listening.
Listening is an essential communication skill that is often overlooked in marriage. Listening is more than just hearing what the other person has to say. It is about actively engaging in the conversation, understanding what is being said, and responding in an appropriate way. This will help to strengthen the relationship and create understanding between you and your spouse. Imagine being out in the middle of a lake on a small boat with your spouse when the engine fails. You will need to rely on your oars to manually power your way back to shore. Suppose you lost an oar and think about how difficult it would be to paddle forward. Imagine that the boat is your marriage and the oars as effective communication. If you are not listening (using both of your oars), it will become increasingly difficult to steer your communication in the right direction, making it difficult for your marriage from moving forward.
James 1:19-20 states, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” Quick to hear and slow to speak tells us that we should listen but take time to respond, putting thought in what we hear and choosing our words and response carefully. Listening is the first step in communication, and responding only happens after we listen. Proverbs 1:5 also reminds us that “A wise man will hear and will increase learning, and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:” We need to really listen carefully and take the time to understand what has been said. In doing this, we will learn more about one another and strengthen our relationship with our spouse and God!
Listening is a vital communication skill in marriage as it allows us to understand and appreciate each other’s perspectives, gaining a deeper understanding of the heart of our spouse. Listening creates an environment of respect, openness, and understanding. Listening with an open heart also allows for more meaningful conversations, as we can discern the intent and emotion behind what is being said. Like in a jigsaw puzzle, every piece of the puzzle is essential and contributes to the overall picture. In the same way, communication in a marriage is essential and should be given careful consideration.
It is essential to remember that listening is an active skill. It requires effort and engagement to truly listen to the other person and not just wait our turn to talk. Hebrews 13:16 reminds us to “But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.” This scripture encourages us to be respectful and listen to what is being said, being an effective communicator. I have been guilty of building my defense and planning what I am going to say when I should have been listening.
In conclusion, listening is one of the most important communication skills in marriage. It allows for greater understanding between partners and creates a deeper connection. Just as God actively listens to us when we pray, we need to purposefully listen to our spouse. Take the time to actively listen and ensure that you are truly hearing what is being said, not just waiting for your turn to talk. When you do, you strengthen both your relationship with your spouse and with God. Communication really is the key to success! ©Rita Larson 4/29/2023
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